shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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