I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
