Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
