I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
