happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
