how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Boobs are out for the taking
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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