pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
