I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize