she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
