Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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