My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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