Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
