You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
