what day is it and did you see me today?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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