He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
