this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The air was thick with penises
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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