Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
