I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
