it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
