I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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