that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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