sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
