She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
