you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
