sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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