So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
