Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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