I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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