have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
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he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
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If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.