O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
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I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.