...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
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Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.