What a fucking waste of an outfit
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
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my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.