are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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