You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize