Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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