dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
