Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
