I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
