We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
