And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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