I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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