Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
