I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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