i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
