we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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