i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I love having hate sex.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize