At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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