im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I love you. Go after that dick
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
