i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
