Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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