He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
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My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
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we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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