I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
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