i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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