Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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