He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
