What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm passing your future prison.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
