called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
