Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
