Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
