So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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